The view out my window of the wintry Hudson River is at times beautiful and comforting. It is at time peaceful and meditative. Yet, at times it is disturbing! The winter scene of the Great Hudson River that constantly flows by my window embraces all the attributes of the winter season. There are no leaves to block the view. There is no color to enrich the scene. There is only starkness and simplicity.

 

Sometimes this winter scene has a simple beauty. Its starkness helps me to just focus on the river. I am reminded of its constancy. I encounter its stillness. However, the winter river is also hard to look at often. Possibly, because it is too bare, too naked. I see its flaws; I wonder too much about what lies beneath its flowing or tranquil waters. Perhaps, this Great Winter River has something to tell me about life, church, society and faith at this moment in history or any moment in history.

 

The scene I see of the wintry river from my window, from the dining room or from the roof, if it is not too cold, speaks to me of life. At times life is placid, calm and peaceful. At other times, life is stormy, wind blown, in a struggle to get were it is going or pushed along too fast. Life often reflects the great beauty, peace, wisdom and presence of God. Frequently though, life makes one wonder just where God is in all the stress, discomfort and struggle. The Great River in the midst of winter reflects all these moments as it flows along.

 

The most interesting thing about the Great Winter River is what I do not see. In the spring, summer and fall, I am often distracted by the beauty around and on the river. There is more activity to take my mind off what lies beneath the river surface. However, come winter I often sit and wonder what happens beneath those calm or turbulent waters. Perhaps in a way, this winter has made us wonder about what lies beneath the surface of faith, church and life. The church and we its people find ourselves in the midst of struggle. The winter winds of scandal are in our face everyday. Our church, especially its leadership, seems to appear on the front page each day. You might say, the murkiness of what lies beneath the surface has found its way into our sight. We as a church, especially our ministry of priesthood have become very naked. The winter river of life is upon us!

 

We long for the spring, summer and fall colors and activities of faith, church and life to take us away from these struggles and difficulties. Yet, the winter river still flows in front of us. The cold murky water, the unknown mud and muck is coming to the surface and changing our view, making it hard to know what we will encounter and who we should trust next!

 

I have to say it is hard being a priest these days. I am almost ashamed to wear my collar or religious habit. I struggle not to worry about what people are thinking when they see me. I feel for victims of abuse and for brother priests who have done great and faith-filled ministry. I even feel for those caught in the struggle of illness, who have been responsible for these actions. After all, I am a Christian, a Catholic, a follower of Christ!

 

The sad thing, through all of this scandal we are being educated about the problems in our church through 30 second sound bits on TV or out of touch spiritual leaders. The media with its power can only dredge up some of the mud and the muck, yet it is presented to us as if it is the whole story. Our leadership has made stupid mistakes and seems so far removed from life in their speech and actions.

 

The sexual problems of our church have very little to do with celibacy or sexual orientation. They have everything to do with illness and human character defects. If priests could marry tomorrow the problems would not be solved. If you look at the profile of  people who abuse children whether physically, emotionally or sexually, they are not always single or celibate men or women, they are often married men and women. The problems of child abuse and pornography in our society are not caused by celibate priests, brothers and sisters; the causes rest with the illnesses and evils we often find in human nature.

 

I don’t like being stuck in the mud and muck of the winter river. Yet, mud and muck have been a part of my priesthood since it began. I can remember my first assignment as a priest, I ministered with someone who constantly railed about the young sisters and priests who were messing up the church, who were not following the rules. I often celebrated mass angry in those days because I was a young priest and I wondered what people thought about me after having given the above mentioned speaker, a standing ovation and now they were going to have to listen to this young priest.

 

As time has past, I have decided that I do not want to grow into an angry old priest. Life is too short and there are too many good things and good people to be stuck in the mud and muck that angry people create. I am not always successful at staying away from the “angry side of faith and life”, but I do try.

 

I guess we have to see life naked every once in a while. However, one of the great things about a wintry river is that it turns into a spring, summer and autumn river. The grace of God is always present even when the mud and murk rise to the surface. I have found that out in the days and months since September 11th and I trust I will find it out in the days, months and years that lie ahead in our scandal ridden church and society.

 

Scandal has always been a sad part of our human church. Leadership in my own words had often lived in a “galaxy far, far away”! Yet, the church has survived. More specifically the Body of Christ has survived. Because it is not only human but its soul rests with God!

 

I will continue to live on as a Passionist and a priest. I will struggle with my humanness like everyone else. I will rejoice in my chosen life and ministry when I get a chance to rejoice. I will cry and struggle in my chosen life and ministry when it is hurt by others or even myself. However, one constant like the river will always be God’s faithfulness to me and  my faithfulness to God and the people I serve. I cannot wait to see the spring, summer and autumn Great River. I long for those days. Yet, I know they will come but I also know the nakedness of the winter river will never be too far away.

 

Easter is a time of hope and so I will continue to hope! I will hope for the presence of God. I will hope of a renewed life giving Spirit. I will hope for joy in our celebrations as church once again. I will hope for the strength of the Body of Christ. I will hope…   Many Blessings to all and please know of my prayers…they are the prayers of a man of faith, a Passionist, a priest, and a human being!

Peace in Christ’s Passion,

Fr. Paul

Faith and Scandal